God Bless Us, Every One. (2003)

Well we had ourselves quite a time, I tell you, the Criminals and I.

We entered our classroom on the morning before Christmas break to find a mountain of presents had mysteriously appeared overnight, along with festive decorations which included a lot of glitter and shiny things. In case you have forgotten being six, nothing competes with glitter and shiny things. When you are six, you also don't notice the dark circles under Miss Victoria's eyes which appear when she stays until 7:00 PM sneakily decorating the room after all the criminals have gone home at 5:00. Good thing, because if you did notice, Miss Victoria's game would be up.This wonderland of presents produced the very satisfactory reaction of curtailing too much misbehavior because of over-excitement all day. What if you did something bad at the last hour and Santa Claus swooped in to retrieve his gifts? You can bet your ass Miss Victoria wondered that aloud...very aloud.

We did some reading, did some math, watched the Peanuts' Christmas and The Lion King, had some doritos and soda (oh yes indeed, it was a banner day, even the caffeine and sugar didn't make them lose it) and then we were told to get our coats and go quietly to the rug to receive our packages. You can also bet your ass we were extremely quiet.

Teacher: Now I don't know what's in these packages, so don't ask me. The Elves dropped them off while I wasn't here, so I couldn't ask them. However they left instructions that NO ONE is to open his package until CHRISTMAS DAY. Except for Muhammad. He's allowed because his holiday is already happening.

Criminals: (glaring at Muhammad)

Muhammad: (grins at everyone) ha!

Teacher: Here we go. (distributes packages to a silent, awestruck audience)

Darriel: I bet this is a book.

Kelsey: (urgent whisper) Darriel! You are not supposed to guess!

Teacher: Okay everyone got his stuff? Let's line up to go home.

Class walks quietly to the door. Class walks quietly through the halls. Class goes outside to see parents waiting.

Class:EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYDADDYMOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (turns, runs back to throw arms around Miss Victoria) Merry Christmas, Miss Victoria!

Teacher: (to self) Happy Holidays, and someone get me a drink.